Last
updated on
7 July, 2006
|
Last
updated on
7 July, 2006
|
|
I find humour to be a
wonderous thing.
Who can continue to be a grump when they hear or see something which hits that
mental funny bone and gets you chortling?
Be it a joke, a cartoon, a quick one-liner or something else again, a good smile
or laugh is great for the soul. Life would be truly miserable if we could never
have a chuckle.
This page allows me to
share with you samples of humour that I find amusing; hopefully you will too.
Pottery humour is hard to come by so I will supplement this page with general
items that appeal to me. If you have some pottery humour that you would like
to contribute please email it to me!
Speaking
of pottery-related humour I had a real laugh writing some new words
to a favourite old song of mine! It is an ode to Copper Red Glazes!
Remember "Those Were The Days My Friend" by Mary Hopkins? Click
here to see my version, if you don't know the tune there is also a small
audio file that you can hear to get an idea of how it goes. Enjoy!
I would never intentionally
offend you but "appropriateness" is a very individual thing, so if
you find any of the content objectionable I apologise. 
FOR THOSE WHO ENJOY LANGUAGE (OR SEVERE DISTORTIONS THEREOF)
People who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A backward poet writes inverse.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like a banana.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but she broke it off.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
A MAN WITH ONLY SECONDS TO LIVE
MORE FUN WITH LANGUAGE
The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:
1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an arsehole.
A woman walks into the drugstore and tells the pharmacist she wants to buy some arsenic.
He says, "What do you want with arsenic?"
She said,. " I want to kill my husband because he cheats on me by having sex with another woman."
The pharmacist says, " I can't sell you arsenic so you can kill your husband lady, even if he is having sex with another woman."
So she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a picture of her husband having sex with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist says,"Oh, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
MARRIED LIFE
A man and a woman who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I hate to bother you but would you please reach into the closet and get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied, "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "Get your own bloody blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
Here are some fun files in various formats for your enjoyment.
The selection will vary in content from time to time as I update the page, hopefully they should give you a laugh!
Just save files to your hard drive and then run them.
I always scan files for virus problems before I post them, but I suggest that as part of your normal security procedures you should check any files that you download before you open them. Most anti-virus programmes do this automatically these days anyway.
Enjoy!
Serenity1.pps Stressed? Tense? Here is a wonderful way to relax and mellow out. Requires MS Powerpoint Cat.pps Bet you can't open this one without laughing! Requires MS Powerpoint Cupholder.exe A handy cup-holder for your computer workstation - essential tool
